SWITZERLAND, Davos - Apple billionaire Steve Jobs announced a new direction Friday as he pledged hundreds of dollars in grants to develop design awareness among itinerant farmers in poor countries.

The move, the first foray into the spirit of generosity by the newly founded Steve and Steve Jobs Foundation, will help boost his image as a warm, giving and conscientious humanitarian.

"If we are serious about ending extreme hunger and poverty around the world, we must be serious about doing things elegantly. For me this means hiring designers who know the value of clean gradients, text with reflections beneath them, as well as rounded corners. Minimalism ... with soft pearlescelent sheen. Surely people with nothing can appreciate the value of minimalism."

When asked what his fans might do for the poor, Jobs insisted that they set a good example. "In a way I am humbled by the fact that billions of the world's poor look to me for leadership. I explain it to them in simple words that the little people can understand: that becoming rich is a little like skiing down undulating slopes of soft, Peruvian Gold cocaine with a mouth full of Beluga caviar while throwing handfuls of gold saffron into the wind.

"It is simple pleasures like these that anyone can understand and relate to that will inspire the homeless to stop whining and build themselves a marketing empire founded upon minimalist design."

In order to get this message out, the Steve and Steve Jobs Foundation has pledged two hundred and forty-nine dollars and sixty three cents to charity.

"It won't be easy for you," Jobs warned, adding that the worst thing about being a superior being was having to discard so much saliva each day when spitting on lackeys.

"In times of difficulty I think back to the verses in the Good Book, to which I remember hearing about as a child. You know - thou shalt covet. Thou shalt sneer. Thou shalt measure one's importance with thy consumer goods and accessories. And don't be afraid to abuse consumers who look up to you. In time, they'll realize that it's for their own benefit."

Outside the convention center in Davos, Jobs received a standing ovation from thousands of twenty-somethings in black hoodies carrying laptop cases with identical apple logos.

"Get out of my way you cretins," Jobs told supporters, who cheered.

"STEVE IS AWESOME!" one fan told Brainsnap. "I'm gonna go give some of my own money right now to a Mac Genius and get me some replacement white headphones."

Jobs also suggested that zealous fans affirm their individualism by marching in step with millions of others. "Promote our corporate press releases on yours blogs. Help us market our product on your websites and forums. Wear our logos. Be zealous about Apple, because being part of my own personal greatness will alleviate your own insignificance and mediocrity. Black hoodies are a must and remember to shave only every other day."