film reviews

"A Film Marred by Bad Cinematography": an Early Cloverfield Review

We were lucky enough to score tickets to the preview of this month's long-awaited winter blockbuster: Cloverfield. Brought to us by J.J. Abrams, the story centers around a giant wingless, de-horned pterodactyl wreaking havoc in a fictionalized New York city - a city in which giant, wingless, de-horned pterodactyls wreak havoc and New Yorkers run about screaming and dying.


Why Film Critics Don't Understand 300

When the critics bash the film 300, I can't help noticing they also can't resist the temptation to bash anyone who actually enjoys it.


"The Departed": When Government Meddles with Free Enterprise

Scorsese's latest film, The Departed centers around the struggle of an ordinary, successful businessman who discovers his business activities are the target of relentless government interference.


"Boring and So Full of Holes My Grandfather's RV Could Go Through it Sideways"

Nikolai revisits 'The Da Vinci Code,' with the benefit of knowing what he is talking about.

Last week, my editor made me write a review on The Da Vinci Code, which can be read elsewhere in this e-zine. (I can't be bothered doing a link, so go find it yourself, lazy bastards!)


Something About the Da Vinci Code

The 'Da Vinci Code' opened in cinemas across the world this week to poor reviews from the critics and a lot of opening wallets from the brain dead masses.


Brokeback Mountain "A Little Bit Gay"

Film critic Comrade Che detects a subtle homosexual subtext in the new Ang Lee film.


Film Review: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

A feature-length advertisement for the new opiate of the masses!

When I was a child I quite liked Roald Dahl's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. However, I was a fool! In my childish naivete, I completely overlooked the story's capitalist underpinnings, unaware that it was yet another cog in the consumerist propaganda machine.