Bin Laden attacked by Freudians

Breaking News BASSAR, Pakistan - Interrogators of Al Qaeda's highest ranking psychiatrist released new evidence that suggests that Bin Laden is primarily motivated by fears of large phallic objects.

In a stunning development, Osama bin Laden's former personal therapist revealed that the September 11 attacks had nothing to do with anti- Americanism, but rather a pathological hatred of tall buildings. "They scare him. Somehow they make him feel inadequate. I think it's something to do with the size of his manhood," Mohammed al Faroul told Pakistani interrogators.

The Pakistani military are holding therapist al Faroul after he was captured in a raid in Western Pakistan over a week ago. He is kept in a high security prison and subjected to intensive interrogation by Pakistani Special Forces. According to officials, the former psychiatrist has recently revealed some surprising insights into Bin Laden's personality and motives.


While the Pakistani military is officially silent as to the nature of al Faroul's revelations, Brainsnap has managed to obtain key elements of his testimony through unofficial channels. The most surprising piece of information relates to the September 11 attacks. According to al Faroul, the prime motivation was not jihad as assumed by the west.

Bin Laden, al Faroul claims, has a pathological hatred of tall buildings and skyscrapers in particular. As an artistic child, Bin Laden dreamed of being an architect and designing buildings that would be admired throughout the world. Unfortunately, his father refused to grant him entry into architecture courses, forcing him to study religion instead.

According to Pentagon press release, Al Faroul's testimony is considered valuable intel. "We're really impressed with the Al Faroul's willingness to finally explain everything in a language we can understand," one Pentagon staffer told press earlier today.

Al Faroul also claims that as a teenager, bin Laden had difficulties with the ladies and was often teased in the school locker rooms about the size of his penis. "It affected him far worse than any realize," he said. "Now, whenever he sees a large gigantic structure, such as the Twin Towers, well it makes him crazy. And we can see the results."

Bin Laden's sensitivity toward architecture was the primary motivation for the destruction of the Ancient Buddhist statues in Afghanistan by the Taliban in 2000 and of course the September 11 attacks of 2001, al Faroul says.

"He wanted them gone for years, and finally achieved his dreams. They were symbols of manhood he could never achieve. You see," Al Faroul told investigators, "it's not healthy to be so repressed."

The psychiatrist's claims are supported by a new book that suggests bin Laden is a passionate reader of email spam. The book, published anonymously by a recently retired Intelligence specialist, suggests that the terrorist has responded several times to emails promising to extend the size of his penis. Al Faroul told reporters that the new claims are old news.

"The products he purchased are yet to achieve the desired effect. Until they do invent something that works, we should all be extremely careful."