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British Queen Moving to Florida
LONDON, England - In a surprise move, Queen Elizabeth II announced yesterday that she is planning to retire to Florida in late 2005.
"It is our intention to seek new horizons in a sub-tropical climate," the Queen's spokesperson announced in a special broadcast on the BBC. "Florida is, of course, the perfect choice. We love America and the climate in the south is particularly wonderful. We are also hoping that we might soon have some great-grandchildren to take to Disney World."
The Queen cites bad weather and arthritis for her imminent retirement. Insiders have been quick to point out that the United States suits the Queen's plans for the Royal Family far better than England.
According to historian Howard Bellows of Oxford University, the Queen wishes to live in a land where the Ruling Classes wield considerably more power and influence.
"In England, the Monarch's position is more or less decorative these days," explained Professor Bellows in an interview aired on the BBC's Late News. "It seems that Her Majesty is thinking primarily of the interests of the House of Windsor, particularly in regards to her grandchildren."

If the next heir to the throne, King Charles III, is based in the United States, the House of Windsor will be able to wield considerably more influence within the world's only Super-Power.
"It's a part of the great tradition of American democracy that certain dynasties wield immense influence. The House of Windsor will be more than a rival for both the Kennedy Clan and the Bushes."
In addition, according to Her Majesty's biographer Richard Hamilton-Sturt, "Camilla Parker-Bowles is known to detest Florida. So obviously this is another factor in favor of the move."
It is understood that the Queen and Prince Phillip recently purchased an eighty room home within an exclusive resort near Orlando. The gated-community already claims a number of celebrity residents, including Barbara and George Bush Senior, Elizabeth Taylor and Gore Vidal.
"We are confident that Her Majesty and the Royal Entourage will be comfortable here," a spokesperson for the resort told a press conference a few hours ago. "We have snorkelling and a twelve acre heated swimming-pool. In addition, we hope that the 36 Hole Golf Course will be to liking of Prince Phillip."
Though long anticipated, the Queen's announcement is the first public indication that Her Majesty intends to abdicate from the throne in the not-to-distant future. Although no date has been set, her son Charles will be making himself ready for coronation as the next British Monarch.
"The Prince of Wales and the Royal Consort feel ready to accept the burdens of this responsibility," said Hugh Twain-Witherhampton, the Prince's Spokesperson. "The Prince is pleased with his Mother's decision to move to Florida and looks forward to spending many jolly weekends at his Mother's new residence in Orlando."
The reaction throughout the Commonwealth has been mixed so far. "I'm sad that she is leaving us," said one upset Londoner, "but Florida seems a nice place and it's not far away so I suppose it should be okay. The cold must be hell on her arthritis so hopefully she'll feel better over there. "
In the United States, the reaction has been more upbeat. "Well I just love the idea of Lizzie coming over here. She'll make a great new neighbor," said one woman when told the news at an Orlando Shopping Mall earlier today. It is uncertain whether the Queen will seek American citizenship or apply for permanent residency. As a citizen of the British Commonwealth, Queen Elizabeth II is eligible for dual citizenship.
Governor of Florida and soon to be dynastic rival, Jeb Bush, was unavailable for comment.