World track champion Hare has been stripped of all medals after failing a routine drug test. The decision means that Tortoise, who finished second in their highly publicized race, becomes the new champion.

The news comes close on the heels of a report that found widespread use of performance-enhancing drugs in interspecies competition. Officials describe the action against Hare as "the first step in a new get-tough policy to crack down on doping."

Meanwhile, Hare denies any cheating and says he will challenge the decision.

"Hare has naturally high levels of testosterone," a spokesman said. "He denies using any banned substances. There may have been some impurities in his high-performance alfalfa/carrot blend that caused these anomalous results. We will appeal."

Hare's future looks bleak if he is banned from the sport, as some administrators have hinted. His options would be limited to less regulated competitions, such as the greyhound circuit. Regardless, he will certainly lose his lucrative endorsement deals for energy drinks and track shoes.

"There's a lesson to be learned here," says sportswriter A.E. Sopp, "Although I'm not sure it's the right one."

Sopp hopes Hare's misfortune will teach competitors to be more circumspect when cheating. "This would be a good story to share with your children. They need to learn that careless cheaters will never prosper."

Surprisingly, the third-place finisher in the race did not seem impressed with Hare's and Tortoise's change in fortunes.

"Whatever," said Fox when reached by phone at his vineyard. "I don't really care. I hear having a medal isn't as great as it's made out to be."