What President Bush meant to say, but forgot.

Americans know the president's State of the Union address has always been more fiction than fact. They probably weren't aware that because of that, it falls subject to the writers' strike in Hollywood.

As a result, what was presented last night was an incomplete text. Brainsnap is privileged to present the full text, as amended by a team of non-unionized writers we hired from Estonia.

[The text as it was delivered may be found at The Official Mouthpiece for the Crusade to the Aggrandizement of the Great Nation of Liberty and Its Associated States in the Worldwide Promulgation of Freedom (The White House) for comparison purposes. The president's portion is in bold.]

State of the Union Address 2008

My fellow Americans:

The actions of the 110th Congress will affect the security and prosperity of our nation long after this session has ended. That is why I would like to propose a number of irresponsible measures whose consequences will only be felt once I'm out of office. Let the next president deal with the fallout, heh.

As Americans, we believe in the power of individuals to determine their destiny and shape the course of history. Namely, the power of the powerful to determine economic and foreign policy and shape the history of the world in their favor. We believe that the most reliable guide for our country is the collective wisdom of ordinary citizens when suitably informed by official information channels and reinforced by the media echo chambers.

In the long run, Americans can be confident about our economic growth. The uncertainty is whether the benefits of growth will continue to accrue to the richest of the rich, or whether some misguided talk of economic justice will muck up the status quo. Which brings me to the topic of tax structure.

Unless Congress acts, most of the tax relief we've delivered over the past seven years will be taken away. Try explaining that to 116 million American taxpayers who would see their taxes rise by an average of $1,800. Well, it's easier to 'explain' that than to explain the myriad misuses of statistics for partisan purposes.

Just as we trust Americans with their own money, we need to earn their trust by spending their tax dollars wisely. The budget that I will submit will keep America on track for a surplus in 2012. Which isn't bad considering we already were operating with a surplus when I took office.

American families have to balance their budgets; so should their government, except in times of perpetual war (on terror(ism)), during economic downturns, or when Republicans control both the legislative and executive branches.

To build a future of quality health care, we must trust patients and doctors to make medical decisions and empower them with better information and better options. We will help ensure that decisions about your medical care are made in the privacy of your doctor's office -- not in the halls of Congress. However, we must guard against Americans consuming frivolous medical care - just because they can! - which is why I'm content to let giant bureaucratic HMOs make choices on what care is appropriate for patients.

On trade, we must trust American workers to compete with anyone in the world and empower them by opening up new markets overseas with a well placed bombs. So we're working to break down barriers to trade and investment wherever we can, with tanks. Heh heh, only as a final resort - with threats and coercion whenever possible.

Let us complete an international agreement that has the potential to slow, stop, and eventually reverse the growth of greenhouse gases. Hey, this is just an idea I came up with on the way over here, but we ought to give it a try. Why didn't anyone think of it earlier?

This agreement will be effective only if it includes commitments by every major economy and gives none a free ride. As you know, one of the Kyoto protocol's shortcomings was that the United States was the only major nation that did not commit to it. Whoever was responsible for that should be given a severe scolding. It's irresponsible to play politics with our future. And enough with those developing nations wanting exemptions and free rides! They should get their own cars.

The United States is committed to strengthening our energy security and confronting global climate change. And the best way to meet these goals is for America to continue leading the way toward the development of cleaner and more energy-efficient technology, such as house-sized SUVs and barn-sized houses. After seven years, I've finally run out of conceivable reasons to deny the consensus of international climate research - so I heartily encourage the next president to meet this grave challenge head-on.

On matters of justice, we must trust in the wisdom of our founders and empower judges who understand that the Constitution means what it says. For example, the Constitution says that Vice President Cheney is above the law because he is a member of both the Legislative and Executive branches. I've submitted judicial nominees who will rule by the letter of the law, not the whim of the gavel. Just to be clear, 'the letter of the law' also includes the letter of the signing statements I've appended to hundreds of laws as they've crossed my desk.

Tonight the armies of compassion(*) continue the march to a new day in the Gulf Coast. (*Blackwater private security forces) America honors the strength and resilience of the people of this region. Honoring them in a national speech is much cheaper than fully funding recovery and reconstruction. Hope you don't mind, heh, but I've got a newfound commitment to sticking to a budget, remember?

In the past seven years, we've also seen images that have sobered us. We've watched throngs of mourners in Lebanon and Pakistan carrying the caskets of beloved leaders taken by the assassin's hand. We've seen wedding guests in blood-soaked finery staggering from a hotel in Jordan, Afghans and Iraqis blown up in mosques and markets, and trains in London and Madrid ripped apart by bombs. On a clear September day, we saw thousands of our fellow citizens taken from us in an instant. But we didn't see the results American bombs have had, partly because we -- accidentally! -- blew up al Jazeera and Abu Dhabi Television offices in Baghdad and Kabul. Also because American technology allows our weaponry to discriminate between innocents and evildoers. Nonetheless, these horrific images serve as a grim reminder: If it bleeds, it leads.

Since 9/11, we have taken the fight to these terrorists and extremists. We will stay on the offense, we will keep up the pressure, and we will deliver justice to our enemies. All in three decades or less - or your funding back, guaranteed!

We're also standing against the forces of extremism embodied by the regime in Tehran. Above all, know this: America will confront those who threaten our troops wherever they happen to be in the world at the moment. They're in about 50 different countries at the moment. Citizens of the world: you would be wise to just act as if they own it and get on with your lives. We will stand by our allies, and we will defend our vital interests in the Persian Gulf. Iraq, for instance, has large reserves of untapped liberty that are vital to our nation's wellbeing.

On the home front, we are grateful that there has not been another attack on our soil since 9/11. This is not for the lack of desire or effort on the part of the enemy. Dedicated men and women in our government are saving American lives, and everyone in this chamber owes them our thanks. As head of our government, I think I deserve that credit by extension. I will pause now briefly to accept your thanks. [Heartfelt applause]

The strength -- the secret of our strength, the miracle of America, is that our greatness lies not in our government, but in the spirit and determination of our people. Our businesspeople that is. What I mean is that increasingly the greatness is not in our government because it's accruing to our corporations, who have more influence, more resources, bigger databases and less regulation than ever. Did I say determination? They've been at this for decades.

By trusting the people, our Founders wagered that a great and noble nation could be built on the liberty that resides in the hearts of all men and women. Unfortunately, we found that what really resides in the heart is just a bunch of blood, but we've been using that as a foundation for our nation instead.

And so long as we continue to trust the people, our nation will prosper, our liberty will be secure, and the state of our Union will remain strong. And the discrepancies between soaring political rhetoric and the increasingly divergent reality will fail to penetrate the numbed and overworked consciousnesses of our citizens.

God Bless America.