The Defense Department announced that the detention center will be shifted to the Bermuda Triangle because Guantanamo Bay is becoming 'too accessible.'

"How's a government supposed to protect the freedom of its unquestioning citizens, if it can't designate anyone - foreigner or American - as an 'enemy combatant' on the basis of unrevealable secret evidence and hold them at extraterritorial military installations without charge?" asked Maj. Gen. Peter Stanton.

"Name me one civilized, democratic nation that's been able to do that," he challenged.

"Our exacting requirements for a less restrictive working environment made for a long and difficult search," the general continued. "We realized that a nebulous region of the Caribbean famed for disappearances and inexplicable happenings fit the bill pretty well."

The move comes after a brief 'golden age' of highly productive prosecution unhindered by oversight or due process has been brought to a close by the Supreme Court with rulings that progressively handcuffed and hogtied the executive branch using arcane Harry Potter-style spells like habeas corpus.

Many observers believe there hasn't been more protest about Gitmo up to now because the prison is actually not located in the United States. In fact, Guantanamo Bay is situated in Cuba, a notorious communist country and enemy of freedom. So nobody is really surprised if what goes down there is not all aboveboard and within the law.