WASHINGTON, D.C - Heroin addicts rejoice tonight as Bush declares a victory in Afghanistan, while exports of Afghan hash and heroin are flooding back into international markets.

President Bush's claims of victory in Afghanistan were cheered today by millions of drug users in the United States.



"Coalition forces, including many brave Afghans, have brought America, Afghanistan and the world its first victory in the war on terror," Bush told the press today. "Afghanistan is no longer a terrorist factory sending thousands of killers into the world."



Instead, for many in the United States and elsewhere, Afghanistan is resuming is former reputation as the world's largest producer of opium. According to reports released by the White House late last year, Afghanistan's opium poppy production increased to a level 36 times higher than the last year of the Taliban's rule.



Asked for a comment on the escalation of the crops production in Afghanistan, Bush reaffirmed his administration's commitment to free trade.



The opium poppy is used in the manufacture of heroin and morphine, and sales inject considerable capital into the United States. Each year, $600 billion in drug money is laundered through Wall Street and US banks. In comparison, US law enforcement spends $50 billion per year combating the drug trade.



Meanwhile, around 20,000 U.S. soldiers are still on the ground in Afghanistan, involved in daily skirmishes against the ousted Taliban leadership and al Qaeda. Many are concerned that the President's declaration of victory in the conflict is as premature as last year's aircraft carrier speech proclaiming the end of hostilities in Iraq.



Analysts note, however, that Bush can at least take credit for the booming international drug market. The President, a former connoisseur of drugs, would not be drawn to comment, saying, "I don't like to say bad things about people on drugs. Drugs are a serious social problem that we are firmly committed to fighting. In the meantime, we shouldn't look upon drug users with prejudice."



His neutral stance on the issue is a cynical vote-grab, according to some political commentators, who claim that polls indicate 90% percent of crack heads are Bush supporters.