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Aliens Rescue Michael Jackson

By Nikolai Stephens
Created 06/14/2005 - 02:11

LOS ANGELES, California- In a shock announcement today, Californian Court officials revealed that, due to an inability to find twelve people on Earth without preconceived notions of Michael Jackson, they were forced to search the Galaxy for suitable jurors. It is uncertain as to whether this unorthodox approach contributed to the not guilty verdict.

According to the officials, five of the twelve jurors were from planets outside our Solar System. In order to ensure that propriety was upheld within the court room, and to prevent the proceedings from becoming an even greater media circus, the aliens were cleverly disguised as ordinary human beings. Now the case has ended, the true nature of the jury has been revealed.

"Basically we searched high and low for fair jurors who would not make preconceived judgments on Michael Jackson, but there really aren't that many people in the world," said Californian State Justice Official, Pamela Anderson. "In the end the only fair course was to use Government contacts to recruit from a wider area, namely outer space. I feel the aliens have done a very good job, and our decision has been justified."

One of the alien jurors, Blaaarckhh, from Dripnos 9- a planet near the center of the Milky Way- made a short statement to the media, before being whisked away by governmental officials. Firstly it shed its human costume to reveal itself to be covered in blue slime with eight tentacles and four mouths.

"Basically I'd like to say, I've enjoyed my time on Earth and my experience of your justice system," Blaaarckhh said in almost perfect English. "I feel justice has been done. Mr Jackson is a very odd looking man, but I think he is innocent."

Prosecutors have admitted they were aware of the jury's alien identities. "We knew, but we still thought our case would be strong enough for a conviction," A police lawyer told the media. "I'm not gonna start alien bashing because we didn't get the right decision. Perhaps things would have been different if the jury was all human. Maybe the aliens identified with Michael Jackson... Who knows?"



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