Famed internet celebrity Area Man, the subject of ridicule by online publication The Onion for many years, was killed today by a rogue bear.

"This is a terrible blow for many of us," says media analyst Robert Parkridge. "Speaking personally here, Area Man made me laugh because he was like everybody I know except myself. Reading of Area Man's exploits, I always came away convinced that I was much cooler and smarter than he was. Still, it must suck for his family... But - a BEAR?! HA HAH!! Hee-hee-hee! Heh. Ahem."

Most people interviewed by Brainsnap expressed similarly misguided concern.

"What am I going to do now I don't have some poor loser to laugh at?" wondered one loser neighbor, who asked not to be identified.

To others, the unfortunate mauling represents a relief. Chuck Waybridge, an ordinary Mid-westerner and long-time reader of the publication, told Brainsnap, "Call me Mr Paranoid but I've been getting this creepy feeling that encoded into the Area Man's life is the message that we readers are pathetic losers. I like being laughed with, but not at, dude. So I for one am glad Area Man got mauled by a bear. Hope it hurt the loser."

Critics say The Onion will have to pick on someone more important than ordinary people.

"I don't know who they'll pick," says rural Minnesota resident Bob Doone. "That dumb Area Man was such a loser! It's weird how he reminded me of someone but I don't know who. Did you hear he got mauled by a bear! HA HA HA!!!"

Schadenfreude, or the secret joy in the misfortune of others, is described by experts as a widespread diversion in the Western world.

The funeral of the bear's victim was attended by a rag-tag band of underachievers, slackers, malcontents, ne'er-do-wells, hicks, and aspiring humor writers.

"The death of Area Man just adds to my reluctance to leave my hometown," confided one mourner. "It makes me realize how dangerous the world 'out there' is. Not only do we have to be on guard from terrorists - we've also gotta watch out for dangerous creatures like grizzlies and bobcats and mulatos."

Since the high profile death of the slacker-celebrity, Hollywood has been abuzz with rumors that Paramount has started casting for a movie based loosely on the life of Area Man. Tom Cruise is believed to be in early negotiations with the films producers.

Meanwhile, Fox television is reportedly negotiating with Paris Hilton to host a show called "Who wants to be an Area Man?"