CRAWFORD, Texas - In response to mounting pressure from families of soldiers in Iraq, President George Bush (sometimes known as George the Great by Fox News) has finally and unambiguously revealed 'the noble cause' for which so many have died.

Speaking to the press at his ranch in Crawford, Texas, Mr. Bush announced today, "We have... uh... been giving this a lot of thought... and uh... you know... we decided that it was probably the right time to let ya'll know what... uh... it... uh... that is, what this noble cause in Iraq is all about. Now we have uh... been holding off on this because well... we don't want to give the terrorists an advantage, but we feel... um... we're certain that everyone who loves freedom will be uplifted by knowing our... uh... that our mission has a purpose.

"Our troops have been sacrificing themselves for a noble cause. Many are questioning that noble cause, but I can tell you now, that that noble cause is... is... a sense of higher purpose. Yes, it is a higher purpose...
Barney, get your nose outta there!"

The announcement came amid pressure from parents of soldiers who have died in Iraq. With a lack of loyalty to their flag noticable to many whose sons and daughters are stationed in secure jobs in the mid-West, the group demanded to know exactly why their children were in Iraq in the first place. President Bush is also facing his lowest polling numbers since before 9-11, with 60% of those polled saying they think the war with Iraq was wrong and/or mis-managed.

Reactions to Bush's announcement were mixed. Pastor Jeremy Sims of the Southern Baptist Congregaton in Freeport, Louisiana, who has a number of parishioners who have read about soldiers in Iraq, gushed, "I, we, feel much better now. I mean, now we know why our blessed sons and daughters are over there. Knowing they are over there for a higher purpose, well, just makes you feel that God himself chose them for this mission. Praise be to Jesus!"

However, Jerry Mayes of Boise, Idaho, whose two sons were killed outside Baghdad reacted much more cautiously.

"What the F%*?! Higher purpose? What the hell is a higher purpose? Damn it, I want something concrete, something I can see and know. I don't want none of this damn philosophical mumbo-jumbo about higher purpose and noble causes. My boys are dead and I want to know why!"

When asked for further explanation about what exactly a sense of higher purpose is, Mr. Bush simply responded, "I just love cuttin' down trees out here, don't you? Makes you feel like a man." Mr. Bush and his dog, Barney, then strolled over to the next tree and began sawing away. "Gonna get me a mess-a-firewood today."

After finishing his sawing, Mr. Bush repeatedly denied that this war was about land or oil. "We're there to bring freedom and democracy, not to get oil or rich. We truly have a higher purpose. Have you seen the price of oil, lately? My family's in the oil business, you know. We're taking these profits as a sign of Jesus' blessing."