A group of extremely insecure and depraved individuals have accused Brainsnap of falsifying sources in order to attract readers. As any discerning, intelligent person knows, such allegations are completely without justification.
At Brainsnap we follow the strictest journalistic ethics in our work, meticulously researching our subject matter and overcoming extraordinary challenges to ensure that our sources are accurate and knowledgeable. In the past we have interviewed such luminaries as Jesus Christ, Satan, God, Pope Jean Paul II, Allah and Donald Rumsfeld. Our inside sources in Washington, Heaven (both Christian and Islamic), Hell and elsewhere are impeccable.
The accusations of this group (which we are certain consists mainly of foreigners) are completely erroneous and perhaps stems from their penchant toward less savory sexual dalliances - dalliances which they attempt to hide by attacking an upstanding and virtuous media organization such as Brainsnap.
George Bryant, a leading Ohio Republican and at times sheep fancier (if you know what we mean), is the spokesperson for the group. In an interview yesterday on PBS' News Hour he stated, "I believe at times in order to create an interesting story or make some political or social point, Brainsnap has deliberately subverted the truth and completely made up sources to appear more knowledgeable than they are."
Bryant pointed to recent interviews that Brainsnap writers have conducted with Jesus Christ and God as examples of "Brainsnap creating sources'.
"USA Today has been trying to interview Jesus for years and they've never managed it," he said while drooling slightly. "But we all know that Jesus is extremely cagey about who he gives interviews to. Then Brainsnap waltzes in, they've been around for less than two years, and scores the biggest interview of the century! A few weeks later they're quoting God. Now, I ask you, doesn't it sound a little suspect?"
However, we at Brainsnap are horrified that such untrue and calculated smirches on our good name should be given credence by anyone. We are confident that the astute amongst the population will see through these statements and immediately identify them as the ramblings of a desperate man who is terrified that unless he is throwing out random, unjustified accusations the world will realize how grubby and sordid his private life really is (think about the sheep - it's disgusting).
Our interviews with Jesus Christ and God are totally accurate. Had they not been, we clearly would have been struck down by lightning by now. We can assure you we are perfectly healthy, and despite experiencing some stormy weather in recent months near our homes, no bolts of lightning have come closer than a few hundred yards.
We ask our readers not to despair. Brainsnap will continue writing wonderfully accurate and enlightening news stories - all you need to do is continue to intrepidly read them. We are confident that Bryant and his dirty followers will soon fade into their rightful place in obscurity (unless their debauched attitudes toward farm animals are investigated by police - then we might hear a lot more about them).