Elvis Revealed as Architect of Iraq Invasion

Elvis is alive and working for the Pentagon.

A Pentagon source has revealed that the true architect behind the invasion of Iraq in 2003 was none other than the king of pop, and officially deceased, Elvis Presley.

The sensational revelation follows an anonymous email sent to Brainsnap central news center in Boston last year. The email contained a number of highly controversial and seemingly unlikely claims about the workings of the Pentagon and the decision-making process underlying American military policy in the Middle East.

Most notably, it claimed that Elvis Presley had been working secretly for the Pentagon since the 1970s and was actually the chief architect of the Iraq invasion.

Of course, as members of a respected and admired news organization, such a sensational claim was not immediately accepted as credible by Brainsnap staff. However, after exhaustive research and journalistic delving, we uncovered evidence that confirms Elvis is indeed alive and working at the Pentagon. His involvement with the Iraq invasion is also incontrovertible.

Our source in the Pentagon has leaked highly secret documentation proving conclusively that Elvis was present during and had substantial input into the planning of the Iraq invasion. His signature appears clearly on military procurement documents, and we have sighted video footage of an older, even fatter, yet still clearly alive Elvis in deep discussion with military generals.

Indeed it appears that he may have been the key proponent of the mobile, swift form of warfare favored by Donald Rumsfeld and used to deadly effect during the early weeks of the war. An essay purportedly written by Elvis was leaked to Brainsnap. In it, Elvis argues for a decrease in military expenditure on heavy artillery in favour of lighter, mobile armoured transportation vehicles.

Furthermore, Elvis argues that troop numbers could be kept relatively small if the force is lightly equipped in order to move swiftly and rapidly destroy enemy infrastructure and morale. Unfortunately, this approach to war has been largely discredited since it failed to ensure enough troop numbers to maintain stability in Iraq in the years after the fall of Saddam Regime.

"It was Elvis' idea," stated the anonymous source. "Rumsfeld only got behind it because he was a big Elvis fan. The generals thought it was stupid but Elvis kept insisting, and of course he got his way. This is America after all. Our political leaders have to listen to entertainment superstars like Elvis over simple-minded military men."

"All military men have done is risk their lives in war zones. Elvis has been in countless movies and performed in Las Vegas. Ultimately, with credentials like that, the Pentagon could not think of a better person to be in charge of our military policy."

Indeed it seems that Elvis coined the term "shock and awe.' "That's an old Elvis term from way back," said Bernard Bryant, a former roadie for the pop star. "He used to say to me, "Bernie, I'm gonna blow this audience away until all they have left is shock and awe.' As soon as I heard Rumsfeld use that term I knew Elvis was alive and behind our country's military planning."

Elvis was supposed to have died in 1977, though millions of fans across the world have refused to believe it. While most of these people are crazy weirdos with no sense of reality or taste in music, it appears that they have been correct all along. Elvis is alive.