Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld, quit the Pentagon today after a personal dispute with once close supporter, President George Bush. Rumsfeld has undergone a great deal of pressure recently, particularly from the military, over his handling of the invasion and subsequent occupation of Iraq. However, it appears that his decision to resign had little to do with Iraq, and was in fact over a disagreement while playing Scrabble with the President on holiday in Maine.

"I can't abide by these two letter words that don't mean anything being used," the former Defense Secretary told the media today. "I don't care if they do appear in a scrabble dictionary, if no one knows what they mean, then they're not a word. I can't work with a man who so rigidly sticks to the rule book when it's against common sense."

"I have formally handed in my resignation, and want no more to do with this administration," Rumsfeld then announced. "I would have won, if Bush hadn't found that underhand way of using his 'Z'. What ever happened to only using the dictionary when you're challenged? I can't stand people who rifle through it before they find a word. It's just not right."

However, the president is unrepentant. "If that's the way he wants to act, then so be it. I won fair and square. Rummy's such a stick in the mud traditionalist when it comes to Scrabble. He was virtually frothing at the mouth when I beat him. He's a poor loser."

Major-General Batiste, a key critic of Rumsfeld's handling of the Iraq invasion could not help but point out the irony in Rumsfeld's resignation. "He's rejected the advice of the military over and over again because he thinks we're too traditional with our tactics, and now he's gone and quit because he doesn't like new ways of playing a board game. Personally I think it's kinda pathetic. I use the dictionary all the time when I play and no one has a problem with it."

However, Rumsfeld had the final word. Upon hearing Bush's and Batiste's remarks he told reporters outside his Washington home, "Why don't you all just f#%< off! You're just jealous that I'm better at Scrabble then all of you. I would have won if Bush hadn't cheated. I would have won Iraq too, if those damned insurgents had played fair as well. No one likes me. Leave me alone!" Then he slammed the door and refused to come out again.