BOSTON, MA - New evidence suggests that the differences between heterosexual and homosexual adults are much less than suspected. Geneticists at MIT studied the DNA of a group of heterosexual and homosexual adults. The data gathered in the tests suggests some controversial possibilities concerning gays.

"The results indicate that homosexual and heterosexual humans are as genetically similar to each that there can be found no grounds for difference."

The research has drastic implications, says leading geneticist Karl Thrup of MIT.

"Faced with these revelations, it seems clear now that to all intents and purposes that homosexuals are just as much human beings, as - say - the rest of us. The question we need to ask is: what does this mean? Equal status?"

Heterosexual lobby groups have been quick to downplay the findings of the report, and described the scientists methodologies as 'questionable' and their findings 'politically motivated'.

Lobbyist Doug Reynolds of the Christian Affiliated Science Teachers Interest Group for Amateur Theocratic Evangelists (CASTIGATE) condemned the research.

"Liberals have been infilitrating the scientific community since the 1940s, when a naive-lefty called Alfred Einstein moved from Old Europe to New Jersey and started talking crazy-talk about the so-called dangers of the nationalism, militarism and right-wing thought. Ever since then, we've seen a steady indoctrination of young scientific minds across the nation. Thank God for campus-watch.org."

Hans Halfruck, of Concerned Citizens for a Purer America, told Brainsnap: "This is a country that was founded on inequality. If we start giving homosexuals the right to marry each other like they were normal or white or something, then pretty soon they'll be asking for the right to vote.

"These days are clearly the End Times."

The CCPA argue that homosexuals are leading an attack to erode 'traditional values'.

"By 'traditional values' we mean that we aim to preserve our own interpretation of the moral climate spanned by 1952 and 1954," says Halfruck. "That's what we mean by 'traditional'. Oh they say that our history before and after that period was pretty racy and debauched, but until our church sends back the new approved editions of our American history books, I won't know for a fact. All I do know is that the Lord Jesus said to throw the first stone. I think we should throw the stones at queers, first, and after them, lepers. And after lepers, foreigners. I'm pretty sure Jesus didn't like foreigners and seems to go out of his way not to mention them."